How often do you give your children your undivided attention? Being fully present with our children is one of the best gifts we can give them. This can be a difficult task at times.
Working full-time as a counselor, writing books, and doing book tours while raising my three children was a full-time job for me. I also spent time with my wife. My children needed “alone time” with me so that I could be fully present. With each of my children, “alone time” was a regular opportunity for me to spend meaningful time with them as we went about our daily routines. There were no phone calls or housework to deal with during this time. It was a period of time set aside just for them, during which no other thoughts crossed my mind.
When you don’t spend quality time with your kids, you’re sending them the message that they don’t matter. While it may be tempting to answer the phone or run errands instead of spending time with your children, this sends the message that they are less essential than you believe.
When I was a child, my mother was always busy with her work. She never took the time to sit down and talk to me. Nothing about how I was feeling or how school was going was of any interest to her. She was too busy to spend time with me, whether it was to play or just talk. I didn’t believe her when she claimed that she loved me and that I was essential to her. When it comes to getting a message across, there’s no substitute for action.
If you don’t spend time with your kids, they won’t feel loved by you. If you don’t spend time with your kids, they won’t feel loved by you. A person won’t feel loved and valued if you don’t make an effort to spend time with them, no matter how many items you buy or how often you tell them you love them.
In the absence of your undivided attention, your children will seek you out in many ways. In an effort to keep your attention, they might go on and on. Fighting with each other, refusing to listen to you, or getting into resistance when it comes to household chores, schoolwork, hygiene, and sleep are examples of how they might behave. Negative attention is preferable to inattention for many young people, who prefer to be ignored. To make matters worse, the more they misbehave, the less you want to spend time with them in a caring and attentive manner, which can lead to even more inappropriate behavior.
Consider what it’s like to have someone give you their undivided attention. Isn’t that a fantastic feeling? How often do you get someone’s undivided attention? How often do you feel really heard and heard? Unfortunately, many individuals are so focused on being heard and heard that they fail to hear and hear themselves.
Your children will benefit greatly from your simple presence with them. Many of my clients have told me of the lasting impact that a friend’s or family member’s genuine interest in what they had to say, even if only on rare occasions, had on them.
Give your children a tremendous gift by being fully present with them and showing them your love, sympathy, and empathy while also engaging them with your sense of humor and fun. Every day, even if it’s just for half an hour, you have the opportunity to fully appreciate them.
They mature so fast. Don’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity.